The Uzumaki Diaries
by xoxoxJullie Sweet Holicxoxox
Summary: A/n: wanted to try my hand at shonen-ai ;p dear diary, are you prepared to be the one to hold the greatest horror story ever written? if you aren't, that's too bad. because this is the story of my life. NOTICE THERE ARE WAAAAAY MORE THAN 41 WORDS. FANFICTION MUST BE HAVING AN ERROR.


The diary of Uzumaki-ness!

This was my dream last night. sigh.

Dear diary,

here's yesterday. Sakura came over to help mom make preparations for the baby shower. yeah, i'm gonna be an older bro soon.  
so i'm like sleeping and then a pink glob comes over and literally knocks my bed over. i thought it was a tellie tubbie that did it but it turned out to just be sakura.  
She said Uchiha-sama's wife had arrived and mom wanted me to treat her with hospitality while they got the things ready for the party. i was gonna be boss and just be all, "_fuck dat"_ but i was thrown down the stairs unceremoniously in my undies.  
mom wasn't pleased with my attire. i kindly reminded her that Sakura was an untameable beast. She kindly hit me in the face.  
Ms. uchiha was beautiful. well, you can't take my word for it. i'm kinda gay, but if i was into chicks she'd be at the top of my list of...er...lady persons?  
she had a baby in her arms. That was Sayuri, Sasuke and Itachi's new little sister. she was currently bald. but, y'know it doesn't have to be an omen that she's the one fuck up of the Uchiha clan. even if she had a crooked nose. damn, i wish i could just take the thing off her face and reposition it. Sasuke doesn't hide it. The other day when my folks (kushina and minato) went out with Sasuke's folks(Fugaku and Mikoto), we were left to babysit Sayuri and Sasuke wouldn't let it go how ugly he thinks his sister is.

our conversation:

"Sasuke, you want a sandwich?"  
"on a scale from one to ten, how ugly would you say 'yuri-chan is?"  
"So is that a yes?"  
"Seven?"  
"i'll take that as a yes. Ham or turkey? sorry, that's all we have."  
"ten being the ugliest, mind you."  
"is mustard okay?"  
"Maybe she'd an 8.5"  
"Swiss or provolone?"  
"nine?"  
"Sasuke, what do you want on your damn sandwich?"  
"when were you talking about sandwiches?"

x0x0x0x0x

"Naruto, would you ask kushina where she got these beautiful irises? i'd just love to put them in yuri-chan's room." Mikoto requested.  
i went to go find my mom and walked straight into Sakura.  
"Watch it!" she screeched like the pink haired monkey she looks like. i detoured, crossing through my dad's quote unquote "man cave", and inside saw him, Fugaku, Itachi, and the only important being in the room, Sasuke. He was the only one who had the frigg'n decency to wave (half assed) at me.  
"Hey." i took it upon myself to say. They all half assed their waves at me and i'm pretty sure Itachi flipped me off. i hurried from the room to where mom was blowing up balloons in the backyard. now before you think my dad's a total ass hole for making my pregnant mother prep her own baby shower, it needs to be clarified that when he insisted upon helping, she kicked his ass for "implying she was too weak".  
"Kaa-san! where'd you get the flowers?" i asked.  
"Look at it Naruto. isn't it pretty?" she gestured to the decorated deck. We live in a luxurious suburban three story

the perfect place for large get togethers such as these. She was inviting practically all of konoha after all.  
"um...yeah."  
"Naruto, you know you could have invited some of your friends." she said, still not answering my question.  
"mom, you know i don't have any friends." i huffed indignantly. it was true. i just got back from boarding school in Sand (and roomed with a guy almost hotter than sasuke named Gaara!)

my school:

my side of the dorm:

i didn't really have many friends here. besides Sasuke. but sasuke had a whole freaking possie. not to mention girls hanging all over him. i hope he didn't like any of them. i mean, what's there in a girl? they cry all the time, they nag, they have these globs of fat on their chests and they pee sitting down. i mean, they want to complain about how we leave the lid up well atleast we don't piss on the seat! yeah, i said it! but just don't tell sakura cuz she'd probably punch me hard where it counts.

"Well, then go play with Sasuke." she offered. i knew she was thinking play as in video games or me and sasuke's favourite activity, soccer, but i couldn't help letting this image into my head:

"Um... he's watching sports with dad and the rest." i said.  
"Well go get him!" mom urged. "Go shoo!"  
"Wait, where did you get-"  
"i'm not letting Mikoto steel **my** flower arrangement." mom winked, flipping her tomato coloured hair over her shoulder.  
i chuckled and hurried into the house again.  
More people had gathered and were enjoying cheeses, fruit trays, veggies, and meat. i could smell the actual dinner cooking and my stomach grumbled.  
"Guessed who cooked this Naruto? guess! guess!" Sakura about screamed in my face. i could see ino walking up.  
"umm... you?" i shrugged.  
"Yes! i'm finally earning my boobs!" she said proudly.  
"i don't see anything there, fore head." ino sniggered.  
"Sh-shut up! pig! nyeh!" she stuck her tongue at ino like a child would. i ignored the display and continued to the first story den that dad used as a man cave. Sasuke wasn't there anymore.  
"Hey, where'd sasuke go?" i asked. i got no answer besides Itachi's middle finger. again.  
"HELLOOOOO! Where'd Sasuke -"  
"SHUT UP!" all three guys yelled. i winced. cheese and crackers, you don't have to tell me twice.  
"He's in your room." My dad said. i bowed quickly in thanks and left the room. it was awkward. i only do that in public. my dad was the mayor after all.

x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0x0 x0x0x

as promised, Sasuke was in my room looking at my shelves. everything was tidy because my mom always has our maid shizune clean my room while i'm gone for the school year. The only thing disheveled was my bed. i went to make it up.  
"Hey." Sasuke said.  
"hey." my whisker marked cheeks flushed.  
"You got anything good to read?" Sasuke asked still scanning the shelf.  
"Ummm... i've got twelve issues of jump, sixteen beats, some Nancy Drew novels, Harry potter -"  
"Zzzzzzz..." Sasuke pretended to snore. it was cute.  
"Hey don't knock'em till ya try'em." i smirked.  
"What happened to you, Naruto?" Sasuke asked. "You used to be zany back when we were kids. Now you're studious and reading books and... oh my gawd is this shogi?"  
"Yeah. i play shikamaru on thursdays."  
"You are..." Sasuke didn't finish, only shook his head.  
"Is there something wrong with me?" i asked nervously. he looked up at me. then smirked.  
"Nah. Just different." he said.  
"A good kind of different?"  
"Dobe, shut up."  
"Y-you shut up. Teme."  
We were silent for a while.  
"So how was this term?" Sasuke asked.  
"So so. i got a new room mate." i answered.  
"aw that stinks! Didn't you have the loft dorm all to yourself?" sasuke questioned.  
"Yeah, but Gaa-chan was cool. We ended up being pretty good friends."  
"Gaa-chan?"  
"oh, well, Gaara actually."  
"oh. cool."  
cricket. cricket.

"Hey Sasuke, do you-?"  
"SASUKEEEEEEEEEEE!" an irritating squeaky voice corrupted my hearing. i grit my teeth. that cherry headed bitch.  
the kuh-plunk of her thigh high boots signaled her entrance to my bed room as she burst in, and threw her self at sasuke. literally.  
She had her legs wrapped around his hips and everything.  
"Karin. GET. OFF." Sasuke growled.  
"Awwwww, sasuke-kun i missed you soooo much!" she squealed.  
"We saw each other at school yesterday." he groaned.  
She thought. alot longer than normal people do.  
"oh." she said. it took three quarters of her brain to spell that.

"TIME FOR DINNER NOW GET YOUR FUCKING ASSES DOWN STAIRS!" mom roared. i guess she had been calling for dinner longer than she desired.

we all hurried to the deck where everyone was seated at bar tables and stools, and the servers were handing out plates. of course sasuke and i took a seat at the same table. ino and Sakura joined us. two more seats were open and Sakura practically slammed kiba and hinata into them before Karin or Lee could get to them. i felt kind of bad for Lee. He had such a huge crush on Sakura but she had sworn off relation ships along time ago after an older man *cough cough* (Itachi) broke her heart.  
"ITADAKIMASU!" we all said before digging in to our meals.  
"Sooooo delicious!" i said. great. she didn't fuck my shit up. like i always do to myself when i'm really hungry.  
"I told you i earned my boobs." Sakura grinned. Sasuke and her shared a humorous smile like she told the best joke ever when she really didn't.  
"Hey!" Karin pulled a chair up next to Sasuke's. FUCK.  
"Go away. no male strippers allowed." Ino huffed at Karin. She flipped her the bird.  
"Way to go and kick me out of the table yamanaka." i pretended to be offended. This time i got to share the you-made-a-good-joke-smile with him.  
"So, Sasuke. What time did you say i should be ready for _the thing?_" Karin tossed her hair. We all gave our best, bitch please, faces because she was obviously _lying_ but when Sasuke fell silent forgetting to swallow his mouthful of food, we knew something was up.  
"What are you talking about?" i wanted to know.  
"Me and Sasuke are going on a date!" she boasted. a glob of chewed food fell from my mouth.  
"Can i have everyone's attention?" Fugaku stood up and said. "Us Uchihas will be moving to sound village next week."

"WHAT?!" we all exclaimed.

a simple math equation:

Karin and Sasuke on a date + The Uchiha family moving = FUCK. MY . LIFE.

sincerely,  
Naruto Uzumaki

A/N: hahahaha! i came up with another story! i'll probably update tomorrow. i like it. i hope you guys do too. i'll be updating it as i update tricks of triumph. Comment or i'll kill the entire human race

Thank yew

COMMENT BECAUSE YOU KNOW IT'S RIGHT!


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